Growing up I was taught that my self-worth was wrapped up in my appearance and whether or not I was physically desirable. I’ll save you the analysis on how and why this happened, but that was my experience. For most of my life, food was restricted and exercise was pure punishment on repeat. This is not a new narrative, it’s a vicious cycle normalized by the dominant culture.

For the better part of my twenties, I subscribed heavily to fitness culture and experienced disordered behavior with exercising off and on for a decade. It was in my twenties that I also chose Pilates as a career path. As others may be doing, I constantly questioned my validity to be working in the fitness/wellness space. I questioned my motives for choosing this career over and over again as I simultaneously walked the path of healing my relationship with food and exercise. The one thing I did know for sure, was that the first time I did Pilates, was the moment I started to understand output versus reward from exercise, and I’m not talking about the reward of a socially accepted “hot” body. Pilates allowed me to workout less and still feel like I exerted myself, like I had scratched that itch. I started to enjoy exercising in a way that I had never experienced before, it became more about thoughtfully exploring and nurturing my body, and that was a gateway of healing and growth for me.

A lot of self-work and discovery has happened between then and now, over a decade later, but when I changed the reason why I was exercising I started to love Pilates and exercise in a more authentic way. Now, as a professional with deep knowledge about the body and all of its systems, I understand that my nervous system was being regulated by a consistent Pilates practice and that I had found a safe space to appreciate my body for its abilities and strengths. This was the key to feeling comfortable in my body and looking at it through a new lens.

Even today, I’m hesitant to lump Pilates classes in with the fitness industry at large. I had to separate myself from traditional “fitness,” to find my way safely on this chosen career path and to support others in movement with integrity and authenticity. The reality is that people seek out Pilates as a form of exercise and fitness, and I agree that its effectiveness as a workout is real. It’s not wrong to want to make positive changes to your body as long as your goals are realistic and come from a place of self-love or a desire to gain self-love and acceptance.

My personal experience with distorted body image and using fitness as punishment informs my teaching today. I have compassion for those who struggle with cultural and societal pressures to look a certain way. I choose a positive coaching model when teaching Solos and highlight people’s abilities over their appearance because this is the truth about how I see and interpret bodies and movement. I aim to change the negative dialogue about a person’s body by hearing them, meeting them where they’re at in their process, and making a class or session a positive experience for each person in their bodies. To me, this is what Feeling Your Finest is, my friends.

There’s real science and knowledge behind why a Fine Tune Pilates session can make you feel freer, taller, and overall a better mover, but Feeling Your Finest can only be defined by the gratitude and positivity you feel after doing Pilates-based exercise in a safe and nurturing environment. Teaching people in this way continues to light me up and inspires healing in my own body to this day.